Crap you don't need to ride a bike

Bit of a Friday afternoon rant.

So it seems these days to ride a bike one increasingly requires a series of specialized cycling accessories/components/clothing. It’s not enough to just ride a bike anymore.
Is it me or has cycling marketing got to the point of stupidity?

He are some of my picks: Feel free to argue with me, and add your own- hey it’s Friday afternoon :slight_smile:

-Di2 electronic shifting
I can see the the attraction here, but I reckon the Achilles heel of this is the fact that the components work perfectly when new, but once it anything goes wrong, you’re rooted. Think about any electronic component you own- what happens when you have even a tiny problem- it usually stops working completely.
I love the fact you can use a mechanical groupset from 20-30-40 years ago and it will still work exactly like it did back in the day.
Better still, when you have a small problem with a mechanical component, there is usually a workaround or stop-gap solution. Good luck with electronic!

-Power meters (SRM crank style)
Unless you are racing seriously, why do you need to know how weak you are?

-Expensive Garmin GPS style gizmo’s
Can’t people read a map before a ride? Perhaps there is something nice about riding without knowing exactly where you are, you might stumble on unexpected things?
Do you really need to know you are going 15KM/h up that hill?

-Beefy Bottom brackets
Seriously, how powerful are Fred cyclists? Correct me if I’m wrong, but who here has ripped apart a conventional threaded steel bottom bracket?

-Epic rides
Maybe I’m a minority here, or just lazy, but most (if not all) or my rides are thoroughly conventional. I still enjoy them though.

-Proprietary cycling components
Why does everything need to be part of a ‘component system’ and nothing is compatible with anything else anymore?

These are one of the biggest culprits. Did anyone check out their latest ‘what’s in your jersey photo contest’? I’ve been considering sending in a photo of a soiled jersey, can of coke and a meat pie… I mean seriously who cares what’s in your fucking jersey?

I’m pretty sure if you get a ~20 year old Mavic Zap electronic groupset it will still work exactly like it did back in the day (ie not at all).

man, the only thing on that i have is a basic speed/distance computer, some padded undershorts and a few random short/long sleeve jerseys (none matching of course).

is this aimed at Fred’s??

the one i’ll ad, is how many bloody REID bikes i see around the place and the atrocious color choices owners make.

I’m about to ride the Gran Fondo in cut off jean shorts and a t-shirt, sneakers, clips, no computer, possibly a backpack and no sunglasses. Boy, am I going to stand out…

…I hope my lungs and/or legs tell me when I’m buggered.


that’s pretty much it, I have a puncture repair kit but no idea how to use it.

power meter and heart rate moniter will tell you that. :slight_smile:

… a jersey

I have a garmin, but it doesn’t tell me where to go!
Where’s that option?!

oh no, nexus’ account has been hacked by horatio!!!

Horatio check your PMs

do enjoy this - I don’t have the interwebs at home, so come saturday morning I’ve got to try and remember my way after checking google maps at work the day before (particularly difficult if I’ve partaken in the usual friday evening shenanigans)

Didn’t know Horatio was female…

Have wrecked 2, well alloy cups/ceramic bearings

^we share some pretty awesome genes though

I guess I meant BB shell itself. Let me guess- SRAM/Truvativ BB you destroyed?


i soo didn’t see this edit.

3x condom, 1x syringe, 1x teaspoon, 1x length silicone hose, 1x lighter = puncture repair kit (i swear officer)

This would be hilarious. Really emphasises the whole ‘pervert on bicycle’ cliche!

that’s be:

baggie (+10) of ‘unmarked’ pills, 600mL Mt Franklin bottle (filled w/ Chloroform), 3x hankies

and it wouldn’t be in the jersey, it’d be stuffed in the pockets of the trenchcoat your wearing (and of course it’s only a trenchcoat your wearing)

Fuck it, I’ll bite.
Okay – hang on… why am I biting? I know nothing about bikes….

-Di2 electronic shifting
Why the hell not – they sound great! I bet if you were on an internet forum 100 years ago you’d be bemoaning the introduction of gears. I bet you don’t have an iphone. Okay – what’s next?

-Power meters (SRM crank style) and -Expensive Garmin GPS style gizmo’s
This all looks pretty cool. I also don’t need a speedometer to know how slow I’m going, but shit it’s cool to look at when you’re riding along – why not get more information going? Shit – if you an incorporate some automatic tweets in there I’m all for it.

  • Beefy Bottom brackets
    Because they look awesome.

  • Epic rides
    Are relative. I remember when 20km was an epic ride – and when I finished it, I felt totally fucked and really awesome. What’s wrong with denying people that feeling?

-Proprietary cycling components
Okay yeah – this one is over my head, I have a mechanic for that kind of talk.

A marginally wise person once said to me “If I can’t go fast, I might as well look fucking dapper” – and this is what rapha is for, plus I’d heard it’s actually pretty comfortable – and as someone who is very superficial, I can confirm that it’s worth spending the $ in order to not to look like a dick.