if des and john had babies...

would they look like this?




It would not be brown.
It would not have a slopping top tube.
It would not have fenders.
Most certainly would not have those long bullhorns.
And the saddle would not be pointing down.

If John and I have babies it would have/be:

Black with white trim
24" wheels
Zero rake fork
80" gear
Multiple handlebars
Thompson hardware
Phil wheels with special “Bacon” custom internals
Foot pegs on the down tube
S & S couplers so we both can each have a piece

HAHAH!! yes, but that would be the “good” child.

pegs on the down tube! brilliant

Des got it right, though that wagon does look mostly ok.

But I have to contest the S&S couplers. I’d opt for some shared custody arrangement, then hire someone to tail Des and document the bikes abuse and then I’d claim for full custody.

About a month later I’d be waiting at a tram stop with the bike (I don’t know why I’d be waiting at a tram stop, given that I’d have a bike) and Des would show up. We’d both be a bit boozy, then he’d start asking if he could take the bike for the weekend, I’d get all defensive and we’d start yelling like a bunch of bogans. The bike would be forgotten in all the scuffling.

Tram passengers would start inching discretely away from us in an attempt to avoid the bogan outburst. Someone would be watching the bike and say, “Won’t somebody think of the bike?”. A minute later a tram would come along, rolling over the bike and obliterating it of all functional value.

We’d both drop to our knees and wonder what we’d done, bringing a bike into the world and then getting so caught up in our petty arguments that’d we’d forgot to care for it, feed it and whatever.

So, because it’s a stressful situation we’d have a few cans of Bundy. Two minutes later cops would show up and say “WTF?” (yes, cops say WTF now [it’s my story anyway]). They’d call in an ambulance, witnesses would testify to our status as bogans and we’d be hauled away.

Sometime around 4:00AM in a holding cell, we’d be talking to some Houngoun and he’d convert us, then lace us give us a swig of some zombie juice and we’d appear to die.

6:00AM would see us in body bags at a morgue. We’d claw our way out, scamper out of the morgue and pickup a couple of those mangled bikes you see wrapped around light-poles.

And hey-presto, you’ve got the first undead bicycle gang.

Cheers Des.

Have you been drinking?

What’s a “Houngoun”?

houngan, or hoigan is a male voodun priest. the females are called mambo.
voodun is the actual religion that most people think of as voodoo.
hunter s. tompson wrote a great piece on houngan in the 70’s. read it if you ever get a chance.

Good luck with that John. I believe bike abuse comes from your side of the family.

John gets better the more he drinks. So clearly he hasn’t had enough yet. :slight_smile:

That’s what happens when you jokingly say to someone who brews beer, “Have you tried adding coffee beans?”.

Two months later they hand you a beer that really mixes up your sense of needing/wanting to sleep. Then the overactive imagination kicks in and the need to do something, anything, really really quickly. Something like typing.

Thanks Nick :slight_smile: