So you’re okay then right? How long does it take you to eat a jar? 
*note: this letter was emailed to the Coles customer service department on Monday, 14 March at 7.50pm
Dear Sir/Madam,
I’m writing to express my dissatisfaction with one of your branded products – Coles organic spaghetti in tomato sauce – canned.
I have been eating canned spaghetti since I was a small child, and consider myself to be qualified to judge the quality of your product. While I do consume far less canned spaghetti products now I am a functioning adult, I do occasionally indulge in canned spaghetti – its a quick and tasty snack or lunch, and a better alternative to expensive take away during the working week when too hungover to cook a proper meal.
I like to enjoy my canned spaghetti on lightly buttered multi-grain toast with a light grating of proper Italian Parmesan (Australian made Parmesan tastes like feet). Its not a very fashionable meal to eat I understand, but is nevertheless a favourite of many Australians young and old, including myself.
It was only a mere moment after opening a can of your product that I knew I was to be disappointed.
For starters – the contents of the can were half spaghetti, half a faintly pinkish-red liquid that closely resembled watered down canned tomato soup in both flavour and appearance.
The spaghetti (and I hardly see how you can insist on calling it that) was gritty in texture, each noodle barely five centimeters long. Once I had poured the majority of the liquid down the sink through a slotted spoon it was near impossible to remove the “spaghetti” from the can with a fork, the noodles merely slipped over the tines. It was only through smooshing the pasta into the toast that I was able to get it into my mouth.
The resulting experience was so devoid of flavour that even cheese couldn’t improve upon the dish. It would be fair to say that very few pasta meals cannot be improved by the addition of cheese. So I hope you see my dilemma here.
It’s difficult to believe this product is made in Italy. I think Italy would be ashamed to know Australians were eating this, and that you were selling it as a premium foodstuff. Although I hardly see how importing organic canned spaghetti from Italy fits with your supposed commitment to proudly support Australia’s organic farmers. I suspect this is a thinly veiled attempt at cornering a market you know to be profitable and less about the health and well-being of your customers.
I understand I can call your customer service center, and plead my case to get a refund for the $1.44 I spent (as promised by your customer service guarantee) but I honestly believe the time this process would take is a part of my life I would never get back. I assume you expect that most people who are incredibly disappointed in this inferior product would decide the same, merely resolving to try a better brand next time a craving for canned spaghetti on toast strikes again.
Your organic spaghetti in tomato sauce is terrible.
Sincerely,
Nola
1-2 weeks.
Aha! Thought something was wrong there. Say, does Sani Marmite contain potassium chloride like shudder vegemite does? My GF did a little research on potassium chloride (used in this case as a firming agent) and I don’t think i want to eat vegemite ever again.