I’ve been with my wife for ten years now and we’ve had our ups and downs like anyone. I think I am quite lucky in that she is very tolerant and accepting of my flaws. (And mine hers I should add!) I would have say that Liam’s advice to see a marriage counselor is a good one. Hate to revert to cliches but sometimes its hard to see the forest for the trees; and another voice in the mix can do a world of good.
As for making the move to smaller places I did this 4 years ago, moving from Melbourne back to the North Island of New Zealand. It was kind of like moving back home but then not, as we ended up setting in a part of the country which we had never even visited, let alone live in before. There are some challenges that comes with moving to a new place in that ironically it can be harder to meet people than in bigger cities; in as much as that a lot of people in these places have been there for a long time and the idea of new arrivals are not on their radar very much at all.
I found that getting involved in the mountain biking club (racing and course marshalling/trail maintence) was a great way to meet people as there was no advertised shop rides when I got here. Via the club I got to meet a whole bunch of likeminded people relatively quickly. Same goes for running, paddling or any other pastime for that matter.
If I was going to look at moving back to Australia I like you would be considering Adelaide, Hobart (or Launceston). Really for the outdoors lifestyle and access to high quality trails and decently sized hills.
Hope you get through what sounds like a really tough patch no matter how it pans out.
I very much agree with you on all of your points but my wife dont. She figures that she knew what she knows now already since a long while but couldnt face the truth. I dont really want to discuss my marriage problems here in detail (no offence) but I guess thats why it may sound I want to run away or something. The opposite it the truth, I am fighting as I am very much a romantic dickhead who always believed saying yes means saying yes forever and more importantly giving each other time and support in hard times.
So trust me, even though I dont mention everything in detail I am very much committed to make things work. I rather discuss alternatives to marriage life with you guys though so to speak as yes to have an escape if worst comes to worst.
No worries, Marc. Good on you for trying your best to make it work. At least, whatever happens, you’ll having the comfort of knowing you did all you could.
Sorry if I came across as critical, it wasn’t my intention.
Our 16 year marriage/23 year partnership ended for a few reasons. I say this with no malice towards the woman who was my wife and is the mother of my three kids (will call her L). We tried joint and solo counselling, but I got the feeling after two joint sessions that they weren’t saying what L wanted to hear and that it wouldn’t last. Unfortunately after three that stopped, which was not my choice. Fast forward nearly three years and nothing had changed aside from our address, so I tried again. The rapidly returned suggestion was that we end it.
I resisted and suggested things for nearly 6 months. I had two counsellors tell me I was on a losing wicket. That this was all but inevitable. L has/had a lot of unresolved issues around men and marriage, which only surfaced that far in. L had been exposed to a few bad relationship dissolution examples in her past by her mum. L wanted to end it before it got snarky. Luckily, we succeeded, but it still took time to recover, for both of us.
I will make one point in terms of the future (though if you don’t have kids this may not matter as much): if she moves on, and the reasons (whatever they are) for your separation are rendered invalid or seemingly have evaporated, TRY LIKE F**K to be a bigger person about it. Having just had a phase of this, it does sting like hell and you will want to get angry and mouth off at her. Possibly. This is not a good thing. I didn’t heed this, and I’ve just done some hefty damage to our previously very good post-marriage relationship.
Situation sounds ordinary mate. Things WILL get better. Talking helps, A LOT. Top stuff for reaching out to the cycling community. Great step forward old kid.
Move to Hobart. It is KILLER. Tourism work? Well that’s our jam down here. There is a vibrant cycling community down here, it’s easy to slot into as we’re a welcoming mob.
Shoot me a message if you wanna come down and suss it out.
Thanks for being open about the end of your marriage familyguy, I much appreciate that.
You guys rock hard! Benny I will shoot you a message. I try to come down later this month. Just have to check with work when they can let me go for a couple of days and I make it a long weekend.