Self-Destructing Bike

Self-Destructing Bike Lock Gives Thieves the Ultimate Disincentive | Gadget Lab

hmmmm indeed.

From the comments

Or a hidden needle in the seat that infects you with AIDS if not removed before you sit down. And a speaker that plays the message “Surprise! You have AIDS!” at a certain RPM.
Double hmmmmm. And quite a bit of hahaha.

That bike is a pipe bomb?

“Andrew Leinonen, a Toronto-based industrial designer

need i say more…

those pictures were so dissapointing, i thought i’d see something more explodey

It’s not April 1st is it?

“Unfortunately, whether the culprit realizes the destruction before or after breaking the lock, all parties are left without a bike.”

I think there’s your problem, right there

This reminds me of the story of that Samoan king guy, who had sons dude cone up to him and say ‘hey dude, this guy tried to steal my baby!’ and the other guy was like wtf bro this is my baby’, so the king is like, ‘I will chop the baby in half, who wants the top bit?’ and the second guy was like ‘hey ho, let the first guy have him, fuckin I don’t want you chopping my baby in half bitch, you crazy’
And then the king was like ‘for real you mist be the dad, cos the other dude was down for cutting the kid in half, and he wanted the bottom bit cos he’s a pedo, off with his head, and you can have the baby back’

‘If I can’t have the bike, we can have half each dickhead!’
‘oh noes, i will leave the bike there! I don’t want my baby to be destroyed’

Wait maybe it’s not the same. But it’s similar.

When I lived in London the bike shop I worked with helped run a sting with the cops. Where they would leave a really nice bike locked up with a basic lock and a pin removed from the chain but left in place so it looked normal they would then wait in a van for the tea leaf. Once a guy in a rush to try and get away from the cops jumped on the bike and landed his nuts on the top tube.

When I used to work in the mines, a bloke in Kalgoorlie who worked for me as a powder-monkey rigged a real bomb into his Harley as an alarm! I took it out one night and replaced it with a fake k booster made outta plaster. He’s probs still got it there. Even the detanator would fuck you up if you were unlucky.

There’s a bloke at my work who is nocturnal and lives on Coke (the drink) and pies. We don’t see him for days at a time but every now and then he jumps on the email and regales us all with his awesome stream-of-consciousness outpourings, sometimes just to let us know he’s still there. Fuck we’d miss him if he left.

That story is off the chain.

This intrigues me: he’s at your work, yet he’s never at work?

Like a nightshift guy or an outsourcey subcontractor.

I think you mean King Solomon of Israel and not a Samoan king.
It’s one of the stories within the Old Testament…1 Kings I think.
Anyway it’s kind of like what you are trying to say however it’s mothers fighting over the baby and not the fathers.

From Wikki
The story is recounted in 1Kings 3:16-28. Two young women who lived in the same house and who both had an infant son came to Solomon for a judgement. One of the women claimed that the other, after accidentally smothering her own son while sleeping, had exchanged the two children to make it appear that the living child was hers. The other woman denied this and so both women claimed to be the mother of the living son and said that the dead boy belonged to the other.

After some deliberation, King Solomon called for a sword to be brought before him. He declared that there is only one fair solution: the live son must be split in two, each woman receiving half of the child. Upon hearing this terrible verdict, the boy’s true mother cried out, “Please, My Lord, give her the live child—do not kill him!” However, the liar, in her bitter jealousy, exclaimed, “It shall be neither mine nor yours—divide it!” Solomon instantly gave the live baby to the real mother, realizing that the true mother’s instincts were to protect her child, while the liar revealed that she did not truly love the child. The reputation of the king greatly increased when all the people of Israel heard of this wise judgment.

Good to see that something from Sunday School stuck deep inside your head Dylan

I have a sneaky feeling Dyl knew that. His use of allegory is good.

He comes to the office, just not at the same time as most people. We are academics, the job affords us certain freedoms.