i reckon i’m going to have to step mine up a bit this year.
damn pinko!
Newt Gingrich New Years Resolutions for 2012
Talk to first black person
Learn what YouTube is
Form investigative committee re: constitutionality of Voldemort for VP
(Can he be Dark Lord and VP at same time? Better ask Cheney)
Herman Cain’s New Year’s Resolutions for 2012
Return Lindsay Lohan’s underwear
Launch pornographic e-newsletter
End affair with that one crazy chick who’s somehow still interested
Michelle Bachmann’s New Years Resolutions
End affair with Herman Cain
Increase popularity: Get Tina Fey to impersonate me
Open my eyes less
Rick Perry’s New Years Resolutions
Talk to first gay person
Stop playing games that require you to drink whenever someone says “taxes” during presidential debates in which I participate
(After primaries are decided, drink each time Obama says “taxes” in a debate)
Mitt Romney’s New Years Resolutions
Remind America that being handsome has to count for something
Retrieve my testicles from Newt Gingrich campaign HQ
Make contact with long-lost brother, Baseball Glove Romney
i usually hate political jokes, but this fucking rules.
for the first time in my life i kept to my new years resolutions this year so i think i’m going to have a year off resolutions to celebrate.
i’ll revive my “resolutions” thread closer to the date. i believe most of us will be disappointed in ourselves.
Johnny Cash’s to-do list:
