alright, i’m tired of seeing fixed-gear movies without a narrative arc. some suggestions have already been made here:
http://fixed.org.au/forums/index.php/topic,11957.30.html
and here:
http://fixed.org.au/forums/index.php/topic,6415.15.html
but i want to see more.
No
No
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No
A bike is a prop, not a plot device.
How about, ‘GGW - Sexy Couriers’.
fixed that for you.
i mean, i don’t think any of us are hollywood - or even bollywood- movie producers.
i wish richard pryor was still with us, he’d be perfect.
Brian O’Conner is a police officer tasked with infiltrating the Los Angeles fixed gear scene, suspected to be the origin of a string of high-speed BOB trailer hijackings perpetrated by a trio of luridly colour wayed Bianchi Pistas. Brian gets a job at a local shop and works his way up until finally getting an opportunity to compete against elite messenger Dominic Toretto and two other contestants at a large, late-night alley cat. Brian barters his way into the race with the title for his 2009 Bianchi Pista Concept. He loses the race, but gains Toretto’s respect when he gives him a dinky after the police arrive and bust the race.
The next day, Brian’s superior voices concern that Toretto might be the source of the hijackings and warns Brian not to let anything cloud his judgment. Soon afterward, Brian discovers a cache of NJS parts hidden in the back of Johnny Tran’s bike shop, and authorizes the police to raid the shop and Tran’s house believing them to be the source of the hijackings. However, a connection is not found. Brian’s superior again warns that Toretto is behind the hijackings and tells him that the BOB riders are about to take matters in their own hands. Running out of time, Brian asks Toretto about how he gets his income, Toretto agrees to reveal the source as long as Brian wins at the upcoming Revolution, a legitimate ‘velodrome’ event for real life bike racers.
During Revolution, Toretto’s friend Jesse races his imprisoned father’s 1986 Ken Evans against Johnny Tran’s '00 NJS Makino for ‘visa receipts’ and loses. In a state of panic, Jesse hastily flees the track instead of surrendering his NJS item. Later that night, Toretto and his gang go out to do another hijacking. Brian confesses to Mia that he is a cop and tells her that the BOB riders are now armed. He convinces her to come with him to save her brother and his friends. Mia gives Toretto’s cell phone number to the cops and they track him down.
During the hijacking, Vince is severely injured after the BOB rider pulls out a frozen bidon and throws it at his torso. The other gang members attempt to help, but are thwarted. Brian comes in, rescues Vince, and jumps off the BOB as the trucker finishes refreezing his bidon and throws, narrowly missing him. Brian then calls an air ambulance in for the critically injured Vince, revealing to Toretto that he is a cop, and Toretto pedals off angrily.
At Toretto’s house, Brian attempts to confront Toretto. Just at that moment, Jesse comes up. Johnny Tran and his cousin come up at that time and do a ride by U Locking, killing Jesse. Brian and Toretto go after them. Toretto forces the cousin off a 5 step rail while Brian stabs Tran with a NOS Colnago frame pump, killing him. They then engage in an impromptu skid contest. Toretto is injured after he sideswipes a passing truck. Both of them then hear police sirens. Knowing Toretto will be arrested, Brian gives him the keys to his mini Krypronite u lock and allows him to escape.
After the final credits, Dom races through the desert and his voice can be heard saying “I live my life an intersection at a time, nothing else matters, for those ten seconds or less… I’m free”
whoa.
amazing.
A remake of Casablanca, but on bikes… “Of all the alleycats in all the towns, in all the world, she rides into mine”.
I didn’t understand the meaning of LOL until now 
Made my day!!
Can we get John Woo to direct it?
Four hipsters decide to cyclocross down the fictional Cahulawassee River in the remote Georgia wilderness, expecting to have fun and see the glory of nature before the river valley is flooded. Soon enough, the trip becomes a nightmare when they run into redneck 4WDrivers.
“I bet you can squeal like a pig. Weeeeeeee!”
A couple of noob hipsters are riding their 70s gaspipe conversions when noob 1 notices a dilapidated old 3Rensho NJS sprint bike parked outside a house. They stop and have a look at it, after which an old guy comes out of the house. It’s the perfect size and colour and Noob 1 agrees to buy the 3Rensho.
While Noob 1 and the old guy go into the house to settle the deal, Noob 2 swings a leg over the old 3Rensho. He puts a foot on a pedal, a hand on the bar and immediately has a vision of himself on the bike, on the day it was built, racing Keirin. He snaps out of it, freaked out, and doesn’t think Noob 1 should buy it. But it’s too late and both Noobs leave and go home.
Noob 1 sets about ‘restoring’ the 3Rensho. despite his limited understanding, experience, knowledge or tools. Noob 1’s family and Noob 2 notice the bike’s restoration and wonder how he managed to do it. Unbeknownst to them, Noob 1 is under the influence of the 3Rensho. And the 3Rensho is actually restoring itself. As the bike comes back to life, Noob 1 gradually becomes a cun-t, posting bullshit advice and opinions on web forum sites, buying NJS parts, dissing everyone else’s ride, wearing Rapha and hanging around Spoke(n).
In the meantime, the old guy dies and the Noobs go to his funeral where in conversation an estranged mate of the old guy tells them about how his friend bought the bike and gradually turned into a cun-t, after which everybody hated him and thought he was a cun-t. Noob 2 notices Noob 1 becoming a cun-t and doesn’t like it. Eventually Noob 1 becomes a total cun-t, turning up to alleycats and causing trouble, riding brakeless without either a clue or foot retention and everybody hates him. Soon after, all Noob 1’s family begin to die in mysterious ways, all somehow seeming to involve the 3Rensho.
But meanwhile Noob 2 is a bit more switched on than Noob 1 and he suspects that it’s the 3Rensho doing the killing. He investigates the bike’s provenance and strings together enough evidence to suspect that the 3Rensho is actually 400 years old and has been orchestrating the entire fixed gear subcu1ture explosion of the 21st century.
He tries to destroy it by riding it on dirt trails and riding with roadie bunches. He inflicts some superficial wounds but the 3Rensho rebuilds itself. He drills the fork and puts a brake on it to make it a bit less dangerous but the next morning the caliper is left hanging next to the undrilled fork…with a sheared caliper bolt still in the crown!. Noob 2 returns home exhausted and beaten, with the pistadex unchanged.
Soon after, Noob 1 is riding the 3Rensho down Swanston St when he runs the red at Bourke St heading south and is killed in a fiery explosion when he gets hit by the 96 tram heading east, obscured by the tour bus Noob 1 was passing on the inside.
Noob 2 rushes down to Swanston St after reading a sketchy report on the BV forum while sitting at his desk catching up on eBay, fyxomatosis & bikeforums.net. He’s sad for his friend Noob 1, but he’s relieved that the 3Rensho is finally destroyed.
As the sun comes out and Noob 2 leaves the crash scene, slowly zoom in to the pile of smoking rubble and see the remains of an Ishiwata 019 seat tube gently straighten itself…
The End
You are a god to me.
Too late for a fixed gear movie…, make one based on cyclocross and be at the forefront of the next cycling trend.
best thread ever!
Point Break > F&F > The Fast & The Faggurious
Oh shit, this thread delivers so well.
I love Christine.
Johnny is a Special Agent for the FBI. Johnny gets partnered with Angelo an experienced rider who is more than committed to his work. The two are asked to investigate the number of robberies committed by a group called the Ex-Messengers, who wear masks of Squid, TC & Mike Dee for their robberies. Angelo has a theory that the Ex-Messengers are a group of fixed gear bicycle riders, and asks for Johnny to go undercover as a hipster. The problem is, Johnny couldn’t skid to save his life. That plus the two continuously being hassled by unpleasant and rough Agent Harp about their road conversions. With the help of Tyler, a competent female track racer, Johnny begins to gain the respect of local crit rider Bodhi and his group. Johnny forms a close bond with Bodhi, but the relationship between them becomes limited when Johnny suspects that Bodhi and his group are the Ex-Messengers, mainly because they refuse to wear RAPHA.
High school senior Daniel moves with his mother from Moe to Melbourne. Their apartment’s handyman is an eccentric but kindly and humble Japanese immigrant named Koichi.
Daniel meets a girl, Carla, who is a popular girl at the local high school; but earns the enmity of her ex-boyfriend, Hayden, a track cyclist. Hayden is the best track cyclist at the Harrison St. velodrome, where he is taught an unethical, vicious form of track racing. Daniel knows some cycling from books, but is ridiculed for his crappy Huffy and poor cycling skills by Hayden and his friends.
When Koichi witnesses one of the ridiculings, he intervenes and challenges all five cyclists to a race, he wins with ease. Awed, Daniel asks Koichi to be his coach. Koichi refuses, but agrees to go with Daniel to the Brunswick cycling club rooms in order to resolve the conflict. They confront the coach, Bruce, an ex-Commonwealth games track cyclist who sneers at the concepts of mercy and restraint. Bruce and Koichi agree to a race between Hayden and Daniel in two months’ time at the Blackburn Track Carnival, where the Brunswick cyclists can race Daniel on equal terms. Koichi also requests that the bullying stop while Daniel trains. Bruce orders his students to leave Daniel alone, but threatens that if Daniel does not show up for the carnival, the harassment will resume and Koichi will also become a target.
Koichi becomes Daniel’s coach and, slowly, a surrogate father figure. He begins Daniel’s training by having him perform laborious chores. Each chore is accompanied with a specific movement, such as clockwise/counter-clockwise foot motions. Daniel eventually feels frustrated, believing he has learned nothing of cycling. When he expresses his frustration, Koichi reveals that Daniel has been learning cycling skills through muscle memory learned by performing the chores.
As Daniel’s training continues “in the open” his bond with Koichi becomes closer. He learns that Koichi is an ex-Keirin rider with many accolades and awards to his name.
Through the teaching, Daniel learns not only cycling, but also important life lessons, such as the importance of balance, reflected by the belief that cycle training is as much about training the spirit as the body. Daniel applies the life lessons that Koichi has taught him to strengthen his relationship with Carla. In one instance, he apologises to her for being a jerk. Before the carnival, on Daniel’s birthday, Koichi surprises Daniel by giving him a fully restored Nagasawa that he used to race in Japan.
At the carnival, Daniel surprises everyone by reaching the semi-finals. Hayden advances to the finals, winning his semi-final three full lengths ahead of a highly skilled rider. Bruce instructs Don, one of his more compassionate students and the least vicious of Daniel’s tormentors, to disable Daniel with an illegal passing move that clips Daniel’s wheel. Don reluctantly does so, injuring Daniel. With Daniel unable to continue, Koichi assures him he has already proven himself. Despondent, Daniel believes that if he does not continue his tormentors will have gotten the best of him. He persuades Koichi to use a pain suppression technique to allow him to finish the tournament. As Hayden is about to be declared the winner by default, Daniel hobbles into the velodrome.
Bruce directs Hayden to repeat unethical moves to achieve victory. Despite the moves, and how many times Daniel is shouldered and knocked, he gets back on Hayden’s wheel again each time. Ultimately Daniel and Hayden are tied, both one lap away from victory. Daniel, barely able to pedal, assumes the “zen pedal” stance, and delivers a series of lightning quick pedal strokes, winning the carnival. Hayden, having gained newfound respect for his adversary, takes Daniel’s trophy from the Master of Ceremonies and presents it to Daniel himself.