Too late for a fixed gear movie…, make one based on cyclocross and be at the forefront of the next cycling trend.
best thread ever! 
Point Break > F&F > The Fast & The Faggurious
Oh shit, this thread delivers so well.
I love Christine.
Johnny is a Special Agent for the FBI. Johnny gets partnered with Angelo an experienced rider who is more than committed to his work. The two are asked to investigate the number of robberies committed by a group called the Ex-Messengers, who wear masks of Squid, TC & Mike Dee for their robberies. Angelo has a theory that the Ex-Messengers are a group of fixed gear bicycle riders, and asks for Johnny to go undercover as a hipster. The problem is, Johnny couldn’t skid to save his life. That plus the two continuously being hassled by unpleasant and rough Agent Harp about their road conversions. With the help of Tyler, a competent female track racer, Johnny begins to gain the respect of local crit rider Bodhi and his group. Johnny forms a close bond with Bodhi, but the relationship between them becomes limited when Johnny suspects that Bodhi and his group are the Ex-Messengers, mainly because they refuse to wear RAPHA.
High school senior Daniel moves with his mother from Moe to Melbourne. Their apartment’s handyman is an eccentric but kindly and humble Japanese immigrant named Koichi.
Daniel meets a girl, Carla, who is a popular girl at the local high school; but earns the enmity of her ex-boyfriend, Hayden, a track cyclist. Hayden is the best track cyclist at the Harrison St. velodrome, where he is taught an unethical, vicious form of track racing. Daniel knows some cycling from books, but is ridiculed for his crappy Huffy and poor cycling skills by Hayden and his friends.
When Koichi witnesses one of the ridiculings, he intervenes and challenges all five cyclists to a race, he wins with ease. Awed, Daniel asks Koichi to be his coach. Koichi refuses, but agrees to go with Daniel to the Brunswick cycling club rooms in order to resolve the conflict. They confront the coach, Bruce, an ex-Commonwealth games track cyclist who sneers at the concepts of mercy and restraint. Bruce and Koichi agree to a race between Hayden and Daniel in two months’ time at the Blackburn Track Carnival, where the Brunswick cyclists can race Daniel on equal terms. Koichi also requests that the bullying stop while Daniel trains. Bruce orders his students to leave Daniel alone, but threatens that if Daniel does not show up for the carnival, the harassment will resume and Koichi will also become a target.
Koichi becomes Daniel’s coach and, slowly, a surrogate father figure. He begins Daniel’s training by having him perform laborious chores. Each chore is accompanied with a specific movement, such as clockwise/counter-clockwise foot motions. Daniel eventually feels frustrated, believing he has learned nothing of cycling. When he expresses his frustration, Koichi reveals that Daniel has been learning cycling skills through muscle memory learned by performing the chores.
As Daniel’s training continues “in the open” his bond with Koichi becomes closer. He learns that Koichi is an ex-Keirin rider with many accolades and awards to his name.
Through the teaching, Daniel learns not only cycling, but also important life lessons, such as the importance of balance, reflected by the belief that cycle training is as much about training the spirit as the body. Daniel applies the life lessons that Koichi has taught him to strengthen his relationship with Carla. In one instance, he apologises to her for being a jerk. Before the carnival, on Daniel’s birthday, Koichi surprises Daniel by giving him a fully restored Nagasawa that he used to race in Japan.
At the carnival, Daniel surprises everyone by reaching the semi-finals. Hayden advances to the finals, winning his semi-final three full lengths ahead of a highly skilled rider. Bruce instructs Don, one of his more compassionate students and the least vicious of Daniel’s tormentors, to disable Daniel with an illegal passing move that clips Daniel’s wheel. Don reluctantly does so, injuring Daniel. With Daniel unable to continue, Koichi assures him he has already proven himself. Despondent, Daniel believes that if he does not continue his tormentors will have gotten the best of him. He persuades Koichi to use a pain suppression technique to allow him to finish the tournament. As Hayden is about to be declared the winner by default, Daniel hobbles into the velodrome.
Bruce directs Hayden to repeat unethical moves to achieve victory. Despite the moves, and how many times Daniel is shouldered and knocked, he gets back on Hayden’s wheel again each time. Ultimately Daniel and Hayden are tied, both one lap away from victory. Daniel, barely able to pedal, assumes the “zen pedal” stance, and delivers a series of lightning quick pedal strokes, winning the carnival. Hayden, having gained newfound respect for his adversary, takes Daniel’s trophy from the Master of Ceremonies and presents it to Daniel himself.
More… keeep them comming…maybe Blues Brothers…
I’ll suggest some dialogue…
The Dude: Fuck sympathy! I don’t need your fuckin’ sympathy, man, I need my fucking fixie!
Donny: What do you need that for, Dude?
Walter Sobchak: You want a toeclip? I can get you a toeclip, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don’t wanna know about it, believe me.
The Dude: Yeah, but Walter…
Walter Sobchak: Hell, I can get you a toeclip by 3 o’clock this afternoon… njs too. These fucking amateurs…
Walter Sobchak: I told those fucks down at the DISC a thousand times that I don’t roll on Schwalbes!
Donny: What’re Schwalbes?
…
Walter Sobchak: don’t fucking roll!
The Dude: Walter…
Walter Sobchak: Schwalbes fucking Schwalbes.
The Dude: Oh fuck it. I’m out of here.
Walter Sobchak: Dude, come on…
[rolls his eyes at Donny]
Walter Sobchak: BABY…
[Donny nods]
Thread of the year.
Kevin Bacon is a hotshot business man, but loses it all. He goes on to ride what appears to be a single speed without brakes against Morpheus who is riding An Old Crappy Ten Speed. Mad car driver intent on Kevin Bacon’s death ensue, as well as hot babes, as well as sweet proto-fixed gear free styling.
Might cause a trend?
In the film’s climactic scene, Johnny, even though he has been fired, returns to Martin Pl to perform the final trackstand of the season with Baby. Excoriating the Housemans for their choice of Baby’s bicycle, he utters the film’s most famous line, “Nobody puts Baby on a pista,” as he pulls her up from the family’s table. Johnny leads Baby onto the stage, interrupting the show that is already in progress. After a brief speech, Johnny and Baby dazzle the audience with a stunning backward-circle-and-other-faggotry performance to the song “The Bane of My Life” which ends with Baby completing the front-wheel lift for the first time. Dr. Houseman learns that the true culprit in Penny’s conversion was Robbie, not Johnny, and he apologizes (Robbie having accidentally confessed to using a suicide hub earlier in the scene, while talking to Dr. Houseman). The film ends as the backwheel flim-flammery sequence continues and the room is transformed into The Blue Oyster where everyone, staff and patrons, give each other dutch-rudders whilst backward circling together.
PS, what the FUCKING FUCKKKK is up with this site’s bandwidth. It took me 25 minutes to post this.
Gypsy and lam’s adventure. Two Young men, one 1000km stretch of rode. Can they make it from Brisbane to Sydney in time for mardi gras? A musical erotic thriller the whole family can enjoy.
This is fucking outstanding! Keep them coming!
Good idea, but there are already enough fixed gear documentarys getting around 
Walter Sobchak: Fuck it, Dude, let’s go mashin’.
what’s a BOB? this reads awfully similar to Point Break, though i suppose changing surfboards to bikes constitutes that mythical 10% difference/avoid copyright infringement thang.
Gypsy and LAM’s ride to Sydney VS. Brokeback Mountain could definitely be a hit.
^^ Love Ant Man’s script, Karate Kid meets Days Of Thunder. I’m already hanging out for the sequel…
Can Scarlett Johansson play Carla, pleeeeeeaaaasssse?
Yeah… BOB?
The fast and the furious… funny because on the last ride we thought the Fast and the Fixie would be a good event name. Followed of course by 2 fast 2 fixie.
Ask and you shall receive…
The film begins six months after the first, shortly after Daniel’s Year 12 formal. Daniel receives several pieces of bad news, having been dumped by Carla, crashed his Nagasawa and learned that his mother will move to Moe for work. Koichi takes Daniel to his backyard and restores the boy’s focus by having him build a new wing for Koichi’s house. This architectural work has a hidden side: It is revealed that Daniel is building a guest room for himself, Koichi having arranged for Daniel to live with him while his mother goes to Moe.
Koichi receives a letter telling him his father is dying. Koichi intends to return to Japan alone, but Daniel uses part of his university savings to accompany him. Arriving in Kokura City, they are confronted by Koichi’s old friend, Sato and his favorite nephew, Chozen. They were once best friends who studied cycling under Koichi’s father, but became rivals because they loved the same woman, Yukie. Koichi fled Kokura to avoid a race with Sato.
Koichi and Daniel are welcomed to Kokura by Yukie and her niece Kumiko. They learn that Sato is now a rich industrialist, whose supertrawlers have destroyed the local fish population, impoverishing the cities inhabitants, who have turned to tourism to survive. Further complicating the lives of the citizens is the fact that they rent their property from Sato, who has slowly acquired the entire city over the years.
On his deathbed, Koichi’s father begs for both his son and student to make peace with each other by drawing their hands together. Once he gasps his last breath, Sato pulls his hand away, telling Koichi that out of respect for his coach, he will give him the customary period to mourn, but will expect to face him in a final race.
During the course of their stay in Kokura, Koichi teaches Daniel that the secret to his family’s cycling lies in a handheld drum that beats itself when twisted back and forth. This “drum technique”, as Koichi calls it, represents the cadence rythym that Daniel attempts to practice during the course of the film. Koichi warns him that the powerful technique should only be used as a last resort.
Meanwhile, Daniel has run afoul of Chozen and his gang (Taro and Toshio) by revealing that they were cheating the villagers. Additionally, during a visit to Hiroshima, Daniel is forced by Chozen to attempt to beat the record for the Minute Challenge. Koichi, upon arriving, bets a large amount of money thet Daniel will succeed. Sato, also arriving, covers the bet. Daniel, using a breathing meditation technique taught to him earlier in the film, is able to break the record. Chozen and the others continue to harass Daniel and Kumiko, an attractive young Okinawan who wishes to someday study dance and leave her country, and sparks a romantic interest in Daniel. One night Chozen and his thugs heavily damage the bicycle collection which once belonged to Koichi’s father. Koichi arrives and scares off the trio, and then makes the decision to return to the U.S. the following morning.
Koichi is greeted by Sato and a fleet of bulldozers and other earth-moving equipment the following morning. Sato threatens to destroy and redevelop the velodrome if Koichi persists in his refusal to race him. Angered at being pushed into a corner in this manner, Koichi finally agrees to race his former friend, on the condition that no matter who wins, Sato must agree to relinquish the title to the city’s homes to them. Sato balks, stating that he asks for too much. Koichi plays on his pride and replies that it’s a small price to pay for his honor. Sato agrees to the terms.
The night of the race, the village is hit by a typhoon. The locals gather at the local shelter, including Koichi and Daniel. Koichi watches Chozen enter and asks him of his uncle. Chozen replies that Sato is dead. Both Daniel and Koichi go to Sato’s destroyed club rooms and find Sato pinned under several 3-rensho frames. Koichi splits the frames in half with his bare hands and frees his former friend, taking him to safety.
Daniel then rides to the bell tower, where the girl who rang the warning bell is frozen in fear. Sato sees him struggling and orders Chozen to ride out to help him. Chozen refuses, because he feels that Daniel has dishonored him. Ashamed of his nephew’s total lack of compassion, Sato goes after Daniel right as Koichi prepares to leave, asking to go in his stead. Sato helps Daniel free the girl and they dink her back to the shelter, where Sato renounces his nephew. A devastated Chozen flees.
Sato and his earth-movers return the following morning. Sato greets Koichi with a bow, telling him that he is there to help rebuild the city, handing him the deed, and begs forgiveness, which Koichi happily waives off, saying there is nothing to forgive. Daniel takes advantage of the opportunity to ask Sato to hold the upcoming track carnival in the city’s velodrome. Sato agrees if Daniel will join him and the other villagers in the celebration.
As Kumiko is performing her dance to start the carnival, the carnival is interrupted by Chozen, who crashes into the velodrome and holds a knife to the frightened girl’s throat. Sato implores his nephew to overlook the matter between him and Daniel, stating that he was wrong to hate Koichi and that hate is wrong. Chozen is unfazed by his uncle’s words, and tells them he will kill Kumiko if Daniel does not come into the velodrome and race him. Daniel agrees, and does so.
Chozen discards the knife and begins to race Daniel, who is able to hold Chozen’s wheel. Both of them are well-matched, and each spends time attacking and responding. However, Chozen slowly gains the upper hand. When Koichi and the other villagers take out their hand drums and beat them in unison, Daniel understands what he must do. As Chozen attacks one final time, Daniel successfully increases his cadence to 300rpm, defeating Chozen. Daniel comes across the line and skids to a stop, he then embraces Kumiko while Koichi eyes him with great pride.