“[Sulzberger] was humming and ha-ing whether to stay [out front] or not,” Bobridge said.
Comms at work were really excited about putting these new notice boards in all of the lifts and stuff. Maybe they’ll make them morer dignified.
• How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.
• Price for Venison gone up again? Oh deer!
• A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
• I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
• Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
• They recorded my blood group as type A, but it was a Typo.
• I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.
• Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
• I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
• This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
• When chemists die, they barium.
• I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.
• I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
• Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
• Initially, I didn’t like my beard very much. Then it grew on me.
• Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job? They sacked her because she couldn’t control her pupils.
• When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
• Broken pencils are pointless.
• What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
• I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
• All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
• I applied for a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
• Velcro - what a rip off!
• Don’t worry about old age. It doesn’t last.
@WestCoastPete:
Your work has “restorating”. In my IT work place we have “upgradating” 
This got me. I stole it. thanks.
My sister gives me a ‘pre-warning’ when she’s about to say anything remotely controversial, I have asked repeatedly for the actual warning, but I’m yet to get one.
Credit where it’s due: those one liners are pretty much all Tim Vine jokes eh.
I just read someone referring to “D & A” in relation to proving guilt in crimes. Admittedly, it was on comments section of the Daily Telegraph website, but still.
A grown woman sitting behind me just said “it’s so random but otherwise it’s all good”.
Duck tape
TC: I’ve always read the title of this thread as ‘English is as she spoke’
It’s actually correct: Duct tape - Wikipedia
?
According to etymologist Jan Freeman, the story that duct tape was originally called duck tape is “quack etymology” that has spread “due to the reach of the Internet and the appeal of a good story” but “remains a statement of faith, not fact.” She notes that duct tape is not made from duck tape and there is no known primary-source evidence that it was originally referred to as duck tape. Her research does not show any use of the phrase “duck tape” in World War II and indicates that the earliest documented name for the adhesive product was “duct tape” in 1960. The phrase “duck tape” to refer to an adhesive product does not appear until the 1970s and isn’t popularized until the 1980s, after the Duck brand became successful and after the New York Times referred to and defined the product under the name “duct tape” in 1973
^ Yes, there is such a thing as duck tape. Quack.
They sell Duck Tape at Officeworks.
It has a duck on the label.
Sure, but should i call my Dyson a Hoover??
Or maybe my Sharpie a Bic?
If you want. I just call it a vacuum.
I need a new vacuum, my current one sucks!