…A long time ago,
in a velodrome
far far away…
I’d like to put forward
“2 Fixed 2 Bi-Curious”
as the name for the sequel, has a certain ring to it
my favourite scene.
Two Hipsters One Potato.com
Rimming wheels in ways you couldn’t imagine.
Fixxie Driver
Travis is a poorly paid Melbourne courier, surviving from minimal shifts. At a local alleycat, he crosses paths with xbbx, who is in the midst of campaigning for the Cyclist of the Year title, and laments to xbbx of how he’d wish someone would clean up the city, ridding it of the scum, the dirt, and the hipsters riding colour-matched fixies.
He also spies Betsy, one of the organisers of the alleycat, and after approaching her convinces her to join him on a date. They go the launch of the London to Paris fixie film in Collingwood, but she is overcome by the abundance of tight jeans and ironic moustaches, and flees the building feeling violated.
Travis becomes more depressed, and seeks advice from Andy, a wise old courier with a unique hairstyle that is bald on top (and who, incidentally, goes on to become the father figure of a much loved blog, Everybody Loves Fyxomatosis).
Later, he meets Iris, a young high school girl who has left home and is dossing with a local bike polo player. He takes her out for coffee, and tries to convince her of the evils of bike polo, but she is young and naïve, and laughs off his suggestions of impending doom.
Becoming more disillusioned with the city around him, Travis retreats to his Brunswick apartment, and spends days focusing his mind and body, testing his limits by training on the rollers for hours on end. He builds up a specific polo bike, and develops his bike handling by riding round his apartment. He also creates a revolutionary polo mallet holder on his forearm, that allows him to hide an additional mallet up his sleeve.
He talks to himself in the mirror; “You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to me? Well I’m the only hipster standing here.” He dresses only in Rapha, including a silk scarf that he wears as a bandanna, a style of headwear rarely seen on the Melbourne streets.
A few days later he heads to Rock ‘n’ Roller racing at the East Brunswick Club, being held as a fundraiser for xbbx’s campaign. He intends to race xbbx, but his attempts to speak to members of the Brunswick Cycling Club fail, as they are suspicious of his inappropriately geared polo bike, and he eventually flees without racing.
He searches the streets for Iris, and heads into the city where he hears of a rooftop polo match about to start where he is likely to find her. As he heads up the stairs with his polo bike, he is stopped by a hipster who sneers at his clothing. Travis reveals the hidden mallet from up his sleeve, and he smashes the hipster’s hand, so he may never play polo again.
Travis reaches the rooftop just as the game is about to start, and joins Iris’ team in her place. An enthralling match ensues, in which Travis scores the winning goal, saving Iris from the humiliation of losing at bike polo. He then attempts to destroy the polo bike, but fails.
His heroics are discussed at length on the fixed.org and bv bike forums, and blog posts appear on fyxomatosis.com and cyclingtipsblog.com. Wade Wallace of the cyclingtips blog even mentions Travis’ story in his Fairfax newspaper column. It is here that Iris’ parents read of their daughter’s rescue, and send an email to thank him.
Travis regains his confidence, and goes back to couriering. He crosses paths with Betsy whilst delivering a package, and she mentions that she’d read on the forums about what he’d done. He refutes the tag of hero, gets back on his bike, and heads off to his next job, a strange smile etched across his face.
Post-production note: The original title for the film was Fixxie Rider, one that was more appropriate but that may have caused confusion between it and a 1969 film of the same name about two bike couriers from New York who go on an epic cross-country un-supported ride on their way to Mardi Gras in New Orleans. Along the way they come across George, a young hipster riding a brakeless fixie in a small redneck town. But when the three are on an early morning ride George is killed by a passing ute full of bogans who call the cyclists gay and throw beer bottles and eggs at the trio before forcing George into the back of a parked car. Etc. etc……
So good.
Travis Bicycle?
“f i xie bandits”
its about a few aussie kids causing trouble whilst riding their bikes, starring a young nicole kidman.
Travis?
I’m surprised Hollywood hasn’t brought the rights to that immortal Class book.
Even though its prob full of shit, it was a o.k read for a couple of days.
Travis Bickle ==> Travis Bicycle.
The Bruise Brothers
Precis: Jake (recently released from Barwon Prison) and Elwood reform their infamous roller-racing team to compete at roller derbys in dodgy pubs across Victoria, in order to raise $5000 to help rebuild the Shepparton CC … featuring Dimos as Reverend Cleophus James. I can’t think of anyone more enthusiastic … “Do you see the light!?” No idea what to do with the Illinois Nazi Party.
(although now this thread has just passed 666 views maybe there’s a Hellraiser in there somewhere. Or a Requiem for a Dream “a couple’s inexorable descent into the penniless misery of life as messengers”)
From what i’ve heard thats only if you work for mailcall…
SNAP!
The Fixxie Driver was hilarious! The cinema scene had me almost snorting beer through my nose…
I’m sure I posted in here sayin that there should be Gleaming The Cube but with fixed gears. Mashing The Velo perhaps?
This i LOVE IT.
or njs like top gun academy but njs school they race a fighter jet get chicksand other stereotypical cool stuff.
Mitchell Goosen is seventeen year old kid from Abbotsford, who loves to skateboard, take lomo black and white fisheye photos, and ride his fixie. Yet, his parents, who are two floodologists were given a grant to work in Brisbane. The only problem was: Mitchell couldn’t go with them. So, he gets sent to stay with his aunt, uncle, and cousin in Sydney. When he arrives, he meets his cousin who is also his new roommate for the next six months: Wiley. Mitchell then goes to school and gets on the bad side the classmates indie band, sponge puppets. Mitchell and Wiley end up enduring weeks of torture from the guys. Then, the band guys and Mitchell and Wiley have to learn to get along to try to beat the Central High School rivals in an alleycat climaxing when they bomb the “Devil’s Backbone”. Mitchell jumps a gutter and does a barspin to claim the lead, victory, and respect.
There’s this infeasibly buff NYC bike messenger who rides brakeless like a demon who gets a job from this hot girl with a serious, mysterious air, she gives him a package that a whole bunch of dudes in dark suits want to kill him for, but just giving it to them and saving his life that way somehow violates his professional code…chase ensues…
oh wait…
iz dat shite 4 reelz…
ah, yes, i believe that is what the captain was alluding to. thank you for ironing out the confusing subtlety there.