Rory’s joke of the day:
Q: What smells worse than an anchovy?
A: An anchovy’s bottom.
^ thats not bad, reminds me of one of my favourites.
Q: whats brown and looks through your window?
A: a poo on stilts.
Yeah, Rory’s joke is a winner.
Q: What smells funny?
A: A clowns fart
A bloke was in a pub one night drinking heavily, the barman took his keys and sent him home in a taxi. The bloke returned to the pub next day for his keys, sat down looking red-faced and sheepish and ordered a tomato juice. The barman gave him his keys and his tomato juice and “mate…you don’t look good”. The bloke said “mate…it’s bad…I got home and the wife caught me on all fours blowing chunks on the kitchen floor…” The barman said “…what’s the big deal? you wouldn’t be the first bloke to puke after a night on the piss”…the bloke said “…nah mate, you don’t understand…“Chunks” is my dog…”
why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?
to get to the same side
whats brown and sticky?
a stick.
The waitress at the vegan cafe said she thought knew me, but I’d never met herbivore.
Q. How do you get down off an Elephant?
A. You don’t, you get down off a goose.
How do you get hundreds and thousands?
Smartie shits
I entered ten puns into a competition to see which one would win. No pun in ten did.
Why did the art dealer go bust?
He ran out of Monet
How do you make a game of pool even HARDER?
Put your hands in the table’s pockets and play with it’s balls.
A grandson and his mum are heading into the hospital to visit his grandad when the kid sprints ahead
He burst into the room and says to grandad “when mum comes in the room act like a frog act like a frog”.
The grandad looks at him strange and asks why?
The kid replies " because mum said when you croak we’re going to Disney land".
I heard that when Todd Sampson arrived in Australia, Melbourne airport baggage handlers lost his luggage and he had to restock his entire wardrobe at Victoria Markets.
I don’t like to make rash generalisations but I’m usually correct
I got a new dog the other day. It was previously owned by a blacksmith. When I got it home it made a bolt for the front door.
I saw that there’s an innuendo competition. I’m thinking of entering my dad.
Too risqué?
A man walks into a bar and asks the barmaid for a double entrendre, so she gives him one.
My neighbour knocked on my door at 3am this morning. 3AM! Can you believe it?Luckily i was still up playing my drums.
Before he died, my grandmother stripped my grandfather naked and covered his body with pig fat.
He went downhill very quickly after that.