two elephants fell off a cliff.
BOOM! BOOM!
The 3 bosses of the major brewing companies were having a meeting at the pub one day and were ordering drinks.
Ted Kunkel, the CEO of fosters says he will have a crown, the king of beers.
Frank Burnett, the MD of Lion-Nathan says he will order australia’s favourite beer, the castlemaine XXXX.
Meanwhile Glenn Cooper says to the waitress, “I’ll have a coke”.
Ted and Frank looked at each other and say “How come you aint having a beer?”
And Glenn says back, “Well I figured if you two weren’t gonna have beer, then neither was I”
Johnny goes to school, and is asked to share a modern take on a bible story.
“Well, Lot’s wife left Sodom, turned back to look at the evil city, and turned into a pillar of salt. My mum left Vegas, turned back to look, and turned into a pole.”
How did the butcher introduce his wife?
Meat Patty
Jim walks into a supermarket, buys 7 oranges, 2 beetroots and a litre of milk.
The checkout chick laughs and says, ‘You must be single’.
Jim looks at his purchases, trying to figure what tipped her off, ‘How’d you know that?’
‘Because you’re ugly’
Hear about that actress that got stabbed?? umm… what was her name… Reece… Witha… Reece…
Withaspoon?
No, it was with a knife.
what’s bigger a rooster or a piecost?
what’s a piecost?
About $2.50.
if you rip the wings off a fly, what do you have?
a walk
What did the complementary angle say to the isosceles triangle?
Nice legs!
Why couldn’t the monkey get out of the jungle?
Cos’ jungle is masssif
how’d they know the shark attack victim had dandruff?
coz all they found was her head and shoulders
Pull my finger.
Seriously??
YHGTBFKTSIWYFD
What’s yellow and sinks??
A bulldozer.
I hope I didn’t hurt CAT or Komatsu’s feelings with that little outburst but they are made of metal and weigh quite a bit.
sometimes when people explain jokes it’s funnier than the jokes.
That’s a winner.
im not game to tell the jokes i know , considering i have a week off work after my op , id be quite bored with a week ban haha and the no dirty ones i know are just sad 
if they’re of ‘dad joke’ quality, then post 'em up.
"There was this dude, this non descript guy from north of Australia and this other dude (call him dude2) all
working for the same construction company. At the beginning of the day the
boss comes out and says to the dude, “You’re in charge of the
cement.”
Then he said dude2, “You’re in charge of the dirt.”
Then he said to the non descript guy from north of australia, “You’re in charge of the supplies.”
Then he said, “I’m gonna be back at the end of the day to check on your
work. It better be good or you’re fired.”
So they all go off to go get their work done.
At the end of the day, the boss comes back to check on their work. He
looks at the big pile of cement and goes, “Good work,” to dude.
Then he looks at the big pile of dirt and says, “Good work,” to dude2. Then he couldn’t find the non descript guy from north of Australia so he asks, “Where the heck is
the non descript guy from north of australia??”
All of a sudden, the non descript guy from north of australia jumps out from behind the big pile of dirt
and yells, " SUPPLIES!""
Kid: dad, can i buy some new shoes for gym?
Dad: what a bastard, tell jim to buy his own shoes
/IMG]