skippy has been given a one week ban for racism.
see, i told you my definitions were very broad. anyone else wanna risk it?
If there are ten cats in a boat and one jumps out, how many are left?
None, they were all copycats!
what did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend
he wiped his ass
Q. What did sushi A say to sushi B?
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A. Wazzzzzabi
Q. What did one kiwi statue say to the other kiwi statue?
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A. Statue bro?!
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said “Stop! Don’t do it!”
“Why shouldn’t I?” he said.
I said, “Well, there’s so much to live for!”
“Like what?”
“Well … are you religious or atheist?”
“Religious.”
“Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?”
“Christian.”
“Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?”
“Protestant.” “Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?”
“Baptist.”
“Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?”
“Baptist Church of God.”
“Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?”
“Reformed Baptist Church of God.”
“Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?”
“Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!”
To which I said, “Die, heretic scum!” and pushed him off.
How did the New Zealander greet his Jewish friend?
Hebrew!
Whats a hindu?
Lays eggs bro!
Holy shit, beaten by seconds^^!!!
Whats a hindu?
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Lays iggs, bro!
A Buddhist monk walks into a hamburger joint and says “make me one with everything”.
or:
A Buddhist monk walks into a hamburger joint and says “make me one with everything”.
The monk gives the guy behind the counter a $20 note for the hamburger and the guy puts the $20 in the till.
"What about change?’ asks the monk.
“Change comes from within,” says the guy.
A big moron and a little moron were sitting on a fence. Which one fell off?
The big one. Because the little moron was a little more on.
The doctor comes out into the waiting room for the next patient. He’s shocked to see a man sitting there with a frog growing out of his head. The doctor’s cries, “Oh my god, how did that happen?”
The frog answered "I don’t know; it began as a pimple on my butt.
maybe i’ve told this before on here, i dunno.
what do Raiden and Sub Zero from Mortal Kombat sing when they go to church in Helsinki?
FINNISH HYMNS!
what do Raiden and Sub Zero from Mortal Kombat drink after a big day electrocuting, freezing and pwning n00bs?
FATALI TEA!
What has two wheels and an asshole?
A recumbant bike
Two women walk into a bar…
… One turns to the other and says, “Hooray! We’ve penetrated a typically male-dominated joke format!”
why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize?
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he was outstanding in his feild.
what did the prawn do at the seafood disco?
pulled a muscle
Q: What do you call a donkey with three legs?
A: A wonky donkey.
Q: What do you call a donkey with three legs and one eye?
A: A winky wonky donkey.
Q: What do you call a donkey with three legs and one eye, wearing blue suede shoes?
A: A honky tonky winky wonky donkey.
Q: What do you call a donkey with three legs and one eye, wearing blue suede shoes, playing a piano?
A: A plinky plonky honky tonky winky wonky donkey.
Q: What do you call a donkey with three legs and one eye, wearing blue suede shoes, playing a piano, badly?
A: A shonky plinky plonky honky tonky winky wonky donkey.
whilst we are on the topic of donkeys 
A man walks into a bar and sits down and orders a drink.
He then notices a Jar that is full of money. The man asks the bartender what the jar is for. The bartender then says that he has a donkey in the back room and if anyone can make him him laugh they win the money. If not they owe me 100 dollars.
The man say I can do it!
So he goes into the back room and about 5 minutes later the bartender hears the donkey laughing out loud. The man walks out and takes the money from the jar, thanks the bartender, and leaves.
About a month later the man comes back into the bar and there is a new jar of money. The man asks the bartender what the new jar of money is for.
The bartender looks at the man and says if you can make the donkey cry the money is yours, if not you owe me 100 dollars. The man says ok I’ll do it!
He walks into the back room and about 2 minutes has goes by when the bartender hears the donkey crying. The man walks out and grabs the money out of the jar, but before the man leaves the bartender asks, “How did you make the donkey laugh?”
The man looks at the bartender and says, “Well the first time I told the donkey that I had a bigger pecker then he did”.
“How did you make him cry?” ask the bartender?
Well I showed him.
Once upon a time, God asked Jesus and Satan to participate in a writing contest. Each was given an essay question and a computer and a day to write. After nearly eight hours of hard work both Jesus and Satan were nearly finished with their respective essays. With only five minutes to go before they were to hand in their papers, God suddenly and without warning pulled the plugs on each of their computers and then plugged them back in. Satan burst into tears, having lost everything. Jesus made no sound, kept typing, and began to print out his paper, grinning all the while in a self-satisfied manner. Satan cursed a blue streak and finally calmed down enough to ask God why Jesus was able to print his paper and thus win the contest. God said, simply: “Jesus saves.”
A priest checks into a hotel and says to the receptionist
“I hope the porn channel on my TV is disabled”.
She replies “No Father, it’s just ordinary porn, you sick bastard”.